SEAN'S SEASON - IAMBIC PENTAMETER IN RE-VERSE

A note about Iambic Pentameter:

For Newbies, this is the meter that was used by Shakespeare. I hope Shakespeare appreciates a good spoof. To use a musical analogy, there are two beats per measure, and five measures in a phrase (line). The cadence goes like this: da DA da DA da DA da DA da DA. Occasionally, when there a potential to be amusing, we cheat and squeeze two syllables into the last beat of a line. Some of that is done below.

Please feel free to contribute; all forms of verse are welcome, as long as they are sufficiently irreverent. ;-)

Verses to follow . . .

Enjoy!
Belle

EPISODE ONE, PART ONE - BOY COTT

I did not watch the op'ning episode
I thought, "Why should I travel down this road?"
Of hair extensions, gimmicks, scripted lines
(And endless cases of Ben's Envolve wines?)

Did Sean forego the Land of Milk and Honey
To migrate to LA for Fleiss's money?
Will we be inundated by "Amazin'"s
From fame seekers not here for the White Raisins?

A rose garden is something Sean can't promise,
But we can drown our sorrows on St. Thomas.
And then there is the trusty 'copter fleet
To sweep the wide-eyed maidens off their feet.

Can't we just hear producers' sadist cheers
As they match the contestants with their fears?
They'll force the girls to do the things they hate
To bond with Sean on each one-on-one date.

And good grief! Haven't I already seen
The acting designated drama queen?
And all the tacky, trite and tawdry things
Like phony b00bs and garish Neil Lane rings.

How can one think this is about romance?
It's just a made-for-TV mating dance.
I've seen it all; there's not a thing I'll miss--
There is no way that I'll be watching this!


To be continued . . .

EPISODE ONE, PART TWO - BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Should we give Sean a magic looking glass
Where he can see himself with some sweet lass?
And let's make sure we have some music fans
Who won't win Sean, but will hear some great bands.

Please, let's be honest, who among us thinks
These girls would act the same without the drinks.
Does love take root when Sean and harem travel?
Or, when so far from home, do dreams unravel?

As Monday night approaches, I must grab it--
A chance to rid myself of this bad habit.
Will you forgive me if I seem too crabby?
I'll be much nicer watching "Downton Abbey"!

Farewell, my friends; it's time I got on track
And shook this Bach'lor monkey off my back.
For, once that's done, oh surely I'll be free
To see how heart warming true love can be!

So there, Mike Fleiss! I cast aside the yoke
Of all you've done to make courtship a joke.
And lest, in doing so, you think I've sinned,
I'll do penance and read "Gone With the Wind."


To be continued . . .

EPISODE 2, PART 1 - RELAPSE TO REALITY

The week goes by, and Monday looms again;
I've had withdrawal symptoms now and then.
No nooooooooooo--the TV signal's on the blink
It's only ABC tuned in, I think.

And in my ear whispers this little voice
"Well, now, 'The Bachelor's your only choice."
Oh why, oh why can't I do what I should--
Did all that time in rehab do no good?

But still, it is a fascinating game--
Will yet another match go up in flame?
The fuel in my resolve begins to leak;
I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a peek.

The camera pans; the mansion comes to life.
Sean's working out so he can find a wife.
Chris H appears and utters something clever--
That Sean is the SINCEREST bach'lor EVER.


To be continued . . .

If iambic pentameter be the fuel of Bachlove, compose on, dear Belle!

EPISODE 2, PART 2 - THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK

Remember when Sean courted Emily?
Her married girlfriends wanted a look-see.
"Oh, please take off your shirt," they said to he.
"I don't think so," he answered modestly

Fast forward a few months--how things have changed!
Has choir boy had his morals rearranged?
Or have those abs and pecs started to jingle
Since Sean is now around girls who are single.

Well, changing shirts in midstream isn't new;
This Bach has changed a lot of things for you!
He somehow reclaimed his virginity
Then left his business, home and family

He's fallen out of love with his last squeeze;
And learned to court a lot of girls with ease.
Has he set himself up for love distress,
Or is deshirting his key to success?

Now, any marketer would heave a sigh
That Fleiss & Comp'ny let a chance go by
To gather all those shirts that Sean did doff
And make big bucks by auctioning them off!

To be continued . . .

Our Belle's writing verse or is it re-verse?
Is this season better or is it worse?
The plot is recycled; so is the script.
But who cares 'cause Batch Sean really is ripped!